Stating the Obvious

Cw: discussion of transphobia.

EDIT: As of 2020, I’m no longer ok with being called a woman and I exclusively use they/them pronouns! 💙

Hello! Here’s my non-binary face!

I’m non-binary.

For me that feels like stating the obvious and it’s something that I’ve written about on this blog a few times now. Sometimes, though, you need to state the obvious. Sometimes you need to repeat yourself again and again.

So, again: I’m non-binary.

Here are some thoughts about my gender that are not always obvious to others, while I’m here. Non-binary-ness, for me, means I don’t exclusively identify with a binary gender. I use she and they pronouns, and I like it when people use both for me in the same conversation. I tend to be read as a woman and I’m definitely ok with being called a woman, because womanhood is part of my weird mix of a gender. Having said this, it always feels better to be called a woman when I know I’m also seen as non-binary at the same time.

This is not the obvious thing I came here to state (although I’m glad I did). What I came here to say is that everyone is the gender they feel they are.

My gender is kind of complicated. Heck, I don’t even understand what’s going on there sometimes. I get it if you don’t understand. What I want you to know is that you don’t need to understand something or someone to respect it. You only need to believe people when they tell you who they are. Even if you don’t believe me when I tell you that I am non-binary, it’s still true – I am non-binary. I will be non-binary no matter how many times you say “there are only two genders” to me. I will be non-binary when I’m a grouchy old lady, despite being told I’m just “a young person looking for attention.” I am non-binary and I will be non-binary (unless I realise I am, in fact, another gender, which will also be fine).

I am non-binary whether you like it or not, in the same way that trans women remain women even if you scream that they don’t belong in women’s spaces, and trans men are men even if you tell them they’re just lesbians who have been mutilated by the ‘trans cult’. People are who they feel they are and you don’t need to understand that to respect it. This should be obvious.

I am also a biological non-binary person. This is because I am non-binary and also not a robot (as far as I know; I might be a very convincing cyborg and not realise it, like the guy in that one terrible Terminator film). I am not “biologically female” or “biologically male” – my body is mine, so it is a non-binary person’s body. Trans women are biological women, and trans men are biological men, because they are made of blood and bone and other biological material. Until the day I get a cool robot eye this will be fact and, I hope, obvious.

What I’m basically here to say is: trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary people are non-binary. People are the gender they feel they are. This is obvious, and it is fact.

If a person – no matter what she looks like, or sounds like, or presents as – approaches you and says “Hi, nice to meet you, I use she/her pronouns,” then you use she/her pronouns when you speak about her. That’s obvious. That should be obvious.

When I say things like this, some people feel the need to argue. But what if I don’t like them? But what if they have a beard? But what if? Some people are just jerks, like this dude:

There are no what ifs. There are no arguments. Use a person’s pronouns. Use whatever name they give to you. It’s obvious. It should be obvious.

I’m tired of stating the obvious but I will, again and again. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Non-binary people are non-binary. Believe people when they tell you who they are. Tell other people these things, too.

And if someone argues with you, state the obvious.

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4 thoughts on “Stating the Obvious

  1. Pingback: The Best of 2019
  2. Sorry for missing the last post, my bad.
    I most assuredly do not support anyone’s right to tell you what you may or may not call yourself. You may want to re-examine that if you’re interested, that’s just not me.
    I’m a little surprised at your reaction to the words I used. For a word to be a slur, it must be taken in context and offer a certain pejorative intent, which my statement plainly does not.
    I am not hurt or angered by your response, but I don’t want to be the cisgender bull in your china shop. Cheerio.


  3. Katy, I’m so sorry but I’ve got to disagree. I really like you and I will live and die for your right to pursue happiness. This does not, however, mean that biology is a matter of opinion. Your assertions regarding “Biological” men and women are nothing more than semantics. I prefer the term “Naturally formed”, meaning no surgery was necessary for the creation of my gender identity.
    In your last post you mentioned your least favorite group, “CisHetMales”. I am one of those people. Where I live there are people who refer to their least favorite group as “Niggers”. It’s a horrible word that represents a really bad idea. “Chink” “Dyke” “Dago” “Nip” “Faggot”, pick one, they all say the same thing: Less than one. I am Kenny Nines and I am one. All the good things and all the bad things, John Denver, WWE, green beans with mayonnaise, everything, just like you, just like the rest of us.
    I have to stop now. I’m worried that I may have trashed this budding relationship and it hurts me. However it goes, be happy.


    1. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned hating cishet men anywhere on my blog, and definitely not in my last post, which is mostly about a children’s book.
      If you believe, however, that that the rights of allocishet men trump a trans woman’s right to say she is a woman, then you’re going to find much of my upcoming content extremely distressing and I would recommend unfollowing my blog.
      Also, please don’t ever, EVER come here and write slurs in my comments again, especially when I get called several of the ones you wrote.

      Liked by 1 person

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