Cw: discussion of transphobia.
Hello! Here’s my non-binary face!
For me that feels like stating the obvious and it’s something that I’ve written about on this blog a few times now. Sometimes, though, you need to state the obvious. Sometimes you need to repeat yourself again and again.
So, again: I’m non-binary.
Here are some thoughts about my gender that are not always obvious to others, while I’m here. Non-binary-ness, for me, means I don’t exclusively identify with a binary gender. I use she and they pronouns, and I like it when people use both for me in the same conversation. I tend to be read as a woman and I’m definitely ok with being called a woman, because womanhood is part of my weird mix of a gender. Having said this, it always feels better to be called a woman when I know I’m also seen as non-binary at the same time.
This is not the obvious thing I came here to state (although I’m glad I did). What I came here to say is that everyone is the gender they feel they are.
My gender is kind of complicated. Heck, I don’t even understand what’s going on there sometimes. I get it if you don’t understand. What I want you to know is that you don’t need to understand something or someone to respect it. You only need to believe people when they tell you who they are. Even if you don’t believe me when I tell you that I am non-binary, it’s still true – I am non-binary. I will be non-binary no matter how many times you say “there are only two genders” to me. I will be non-binary when I’m a grouchy old lady, despite being told I’m just “a young person looking for attention.” I am non-binary and I will be non-binary (unless I realise I am, in fact, another gender, which will also be fine).
I am non-binary whether you like it or not, in the same way that trans women remain women even if you scream that they don’t belong in women’s spaces, and trans men are men even if you tell them they’re just lesbians who have been mutilated by the ‘trans cult’. People are who they feel they are and you don’t need to understand that to respect it. This should be obvious.
I am also a biological non-binary person. This is because I am non-binary and also not a robot (as far as I know; I might be a very convincing cyborg and not realise it, like the guy in that one terrible Terminator film). I am not “biologically female” or “biologically male” – my body is mine, so it is a non-binary person’s body. Trans women are biological women, and trans men are biological men, because they are made of blood and bone and other biological material. Until the day I get a cool robot eye this will be fact and, I hope, obvious.
What I’m basically here to say is: trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary people are non-binary. People are the gender they feel they are. This is obvious, and it is fact.
If a person – no matter what she looks like, or sounds like, or presents as – approaches you and says “Hi, nice to meet you, I use she/her pronouns,” then you use she/her pronouns when you speak about her. That’s obvious. That should be obvious.
When I say things like this, some people feel the need to argue. But what if I don’t like them? But what if they have a beard? But what if? Some people are just jerks, like this dude:
There are no what ifs. There are no arguments. Use a person’s pronouns. Use whatever name they give to you. It’s obvious. It should be obvious.
I’m tired of stating the obvious but I will, again and again. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Non-binary people are non-binary. Believe people when they tell you who they are. Tell other people these things, too.
And if someone argues with you, state the obvious.